Moving on Starts with Goodbye
by SetFireToTheRain01
Summary: Set as Sian finds out Sophie cheated on her with Amber...  Long One shot about the events during and after. How will they pan out?  Based around lyrics from various songs.
1. The truth Will Out

**Hey guys ! I've been working on this for some time now.**

**It's a bit different to the planned out Sian exit but not majorly :)**  
><strong>I just wanted to change the storyline a bit haha. It was meant to only be a one shot but i got carried away so i'll spread it out over a couple of chapters. Anywayss Hope you like it <strong>

**Summary: Set as Sian finds out Sophie cheated on her with Amber...**  
><strong>*quick background update* Sophie, ridden with guilt, admits to Sian that Amber came onto her when she was away. So Sian kicked off and 'fell out' with Amber to put it mildly haha. BUT as always, she failed to tell the whole story. Dun dun Dunnnn... :P <strong>  
><strong> Sophie still proposed but not out of guilt. She never actually falls for Amber.<strong>

**Lyrics are from a variety of beautiful songs. The first few are from an AMAZING gorgeous song by a girl called Geneva Lane. If you watched x factor 2010, she was in the Girl Band Belle Amie briefly**  
><strong>It's called 'Write it down' .<strong>  
><strong>So yeah I recommend you check it out and you can tweet GenevaLane :). She's lovely.<strong>  
><strong>If you're on twitter follow me teambrookesacha<strong>

* * *

><p><em>*flashback*<em>

_"Don't you dare walk away from me Sian!" She couldn't take it anymore. She had to tell her.  
>"Urgh Leave me alone Amber" She sped up and pulled her jacket in tighter, shielding herself from the bitter cold.<br>"I've gotta tell you something!"  
>"Yeah well, whatever it is, it can wait!"<br>She picked up her pace. "Believe me, it can't!"  
>Sian threw a scowl over her shoulder "I'm late for my dress fitting, so yes it can!"<em>

_Amber's vile appearance blurred into the foreground as she spotted Sophie coming out the shop with Rosie. She smiled **Theres my girl.**_ _She looked beautiful, nodding away aimlessly, trying to look interested in what was sure to be useless babble. **Bless her.** She waved over to her girlfriend, sorry, ahem. 'Fiancée'. Ah it still brought that pathetic grin to her lips. "I'll be back in a bit babe!" she called out _

**__**P**_robably getting lectured on the final plans. Better her than me_**_ **_ Muahaha _**She focused her attention back on the increasingly closer Amber and her grin faded...__**Crap**...__ She turned and carried on.  
><em>

_"No Sian!" Amber finally caught up and grabbed her wrist, spinning her round. "It can't!" She took a deep breath... __**this is it**__ "She's got a secret ..."  
>The blonde huffed and checked her watch. "Who?"<br>"Sophie!"  
>"Oh whatever..." She made to turn away but Amber blocked her path "...Move!"<br>"Did you know your so called 'perfect little 'fiancée's' been LYING TO YA!"  
>Sophie snapped her head across at the loud shout and froze. <strong>Bollocks ! She's not.. oh<strong> **Shit NOT NOW** ... She twisted and started to run over leaving Rosie fixed in place, gaping after her.  
>"Urh Sophie!" she scowled " OI! Come back! This is important!" She started to trott after her, trying desperately hard not to fall on the cobbles.<em>

_Sian turned her attention back to Amber and scoffed disbelievingly._

**_God that girl is full of shit_**_ "Move!"  
>"I'm not kidding ..."<br>"Neither am i! To be perfectly honest Amber, I don't care. _Move!_" She laughed and shoved her out the way and started to walk off._

_Sophie eventually caught up came to a halt behind them wheezing. "Amber please, don't!" she puffed out desperately _  
><em>But the raven girl ignored her. She couldn't take it anymore. She HAD to make her listen... She had to tell her. <em>

_"SHE FUCKED ME!"_

_Sian halted._

_Oh my g... Ambers mouth dropped open in surprise... **Wow** ... she edged slowly round to face the blonde, cautious of her reaction. She wanted to hurt her sure... but if things got violent..._

_"W__hat?"  
><em>_"You heard..."  
><em>_"No..." She smiled and shook her head in denial "Fucked you over you mean... Yep! So stop being a jealous cow and get out my way"_

_"No! Sian she didn't just kiss me, she's a fucking liar..." Urgh she had to make her see! "She 'fucked me', as in shagged me in a bed; up the wall 'fucked me'!"  
>The blondes smile faded. <em>_**No... She wouldn't.**..__She threw her head back in Sophie's direction and frowned, not failing to miss the way s__he flinched as their gaze met. **S_urely not_**_**.**__

_"And you know what?"_ _Amber continued, sneering venomously, averting her attention once more. " She fucking enjoyed it !"_

_'Oh whatever," Sian gripped her fists in desperation "Sophie wouldn't even dream of touching you because funnily enough she's got me."_  
><em>"Yeah...For now... but I think you'll find she would. And she has. Good n hard!" <em>

_She wanted to hurt Sophie, just like she'd hurt her. And if that meant tearing Sian from her then so be it. Cos if she couldn't have her, NO ONE could._

_Sian started shaking her head, refusing to accept the bullshit spilling from her mouth **Lies... all lies.. Jealous cow** "Fuck off! You're just jealous."_

_"Amber stop this now!" Sunitta appeared behind them, joining up with quite the gathered crowd. She reached out to grab her arm but she jerked away "Don't!" She span back to the blonde laughing " Me? Jealous? Mate why should i be jealous... she fucking wants me! She just can't admit it" She pointed to her over Sian's shoulder._  
><em>"As if! Urgh how many bleeding times? Get this into your thick little skull! She's MY Fiancée, she loves ME, she fucks ME and she kisses<em>_ ME! So do the math Amber, cos i'm sure even you can work that one out. She wants ME!" She paused gauging her reaction but her face remained cold...  
><em>_"And You wana know why? Cos she proposed... TO ME mhmm and you know what that means right... Me for the rest of her life! Not you.. or anyone else ME! So piss off back to your little fairy land, cos were getting married T-O-M-O-R-R-O-W whether you like it or not! " She smirked proudly at the look she received. **Maybe its finally sunk in... the damage done. HALLELUJAH!**_

_**Mwahaha Sian 1 Amber nil** "Go find someone else to wind up, cos i'm done playing" **Boom ! **She tried to push past but Amber stuck her arm out.** Bitch** "...I'll say it again shall i ? ... Move or else..."_

_But Amber wasn't listening. If it weren't for the fact the whole street were watching she'd have smacked her right there and then; She wasn't scared of Sian. Hell no! She was going to ruin the pathetic little blondes entire world in a matter of moments,seconds. But not by thumping her one. Nope... She was better than that; because violence never solved anything right? She smirked. Besides She was far too focused on how to drive that metaphorical knife deeper and deeper. Maximum pain= maximum gain. "She's good in bed... I gotta give you that!"_  
><em><br>The crowd sucked in a breath.._

_"Oh fuck off!" Sian burst out laughing... but Amber could see through it. The doubt was there. "What are ya Amber? 10? God you're pathetic... Sopheh just tell em! Tell em its all lies!"_  
><em>She grinned and waited, but Sophie didn't speak up... no fleeting denial escaped her lips.<em>  
><em>Her smugness faded. She span back to the girl she so loved frowning "Sophie?" But the brunette remained silent, staring solidly at the floor. Refusing to look at her, refusing to see the fear in her eyes.<em>

**_Hah!_**_ "See, she can't even deny it!"  
>"Shut it!"<br>__**Right...** Amber cleared her throat awkwardly.  
><em>_  
>Sian took laboured breaths while she stared at Sophie, trying to ignore the way her stomach twisted with the sickening doubt. It was a feeling she'd become all to familiar with these past few months. It was no stranger to her<br>"Please tell me it's all lies?"  
>But Sophie remained silent and started shaking her head as the tears rolled freely down her cheeks. She couldn't admit to it... Not here... not now.<em>

**_Oh God no..._**_ "Tell me it's not true..." _**_She's _**_**shaking her head Oh god.**__ "Sophie?" __**No ..no ...**__ "LOOK AT ME!"  
>The brunette flinched away; Not used to Sian shouting, let alone screaming. It was a such a vile animalistic sound; S<em>_o full of pain and anger. It sent shockwaves of guilt crashing to the pit of her stomach, ripping and wrenching at her soul. She felt sick. Sick with the shame. But she couldn't do it... She couldn't bear to see the damage her drunken mistake had caused._

_"SOPHIE LOOK AT ME!"  
>She slowly lifted her head and started shaking. The sight before her was just... heartbreaking. The fear, the panic and doubt just emanating from the blonde was enough to send her crashing over that final edge of control. Seeing her so lost, and knowing she was the cause...<br>"Tell me Soph..."  
>"I didn't mean t..."<br>"TELL ME IT'S NOT TRUE!"  
>She broke down "I'm so sorry..."<br>Sian lost it. She burst into tears as a shudder wracked through her entire body. Her whole world collapsing at just 3 little words.  
>"SO i was right all along...?"<br>"No...It just happ..."  
>"You lied to me all this time!"<br>"No I.."  
>"You fucking..."She ran at Sophie and pushed her. "How could you!" she started screaming, everything, anything she could in her heart shattering rage as the tears cascaded freely down her cheeks. "You proposed! And you cheated you.. you. y..."<br>"No Sian.. i"  
>"You... fucking ...guilty... bitch!" She punctuated every word with a smack, before letting loose. Wanting to hurt her! Wanting to punish her. She clawed away at her skin, screeching, bawling, but a strong pair of arms lifted her up and yanked her away. She tried to fight against them, twisting and flailing in their arms but they wouldn't give. She threw her head back up and screamed out to her. "I LOVED YOU!" as her thoughts drifted to The wedding.. its... tomor... Oh god How could she?<br>She eventually gave in as she collapsed to the cobbles, losing every last ounce of strength and willpower. She wanted to die. Her world was over. The pair of arms wrapped round her and pulled her to their chest as she sobbed uncontrollably, spilling out the remains of her shattered heart._

_"Sophie!" Rosie pulled the brunette away and gripped her shoulders staring on opened mouthed. She hadn't defended herself, she'd just let Sian hit her. She knew she deserved it._  
><em>"Is it true?" Rosie asked<em>  
><em>"What do you think?" She shrieked. She shrugged her off and tried to move past but an arm blocked her path. Her Dad.<em>

_Oh for God's sake.__  
>"Move! Please..." But he held her back "Sian! Listen to me! I'm so sorry!"<br>"Leave her Sophie... come on..."  
>"No Dad Move! Please! Let me go... SIAN!"<br>"Come on... you've done enough"  
>"No i need to talk to her, i need to explain," She tried to move past " i need to tell her, i need to.. i...i "<em>

**_ I don't care what they say_  
><strong>_** I'm in love with you  
><strong>** They try to pull me away  
><strong>** But they don't know the truth...**_

_Rosie pulled her aside and clutched at her cheeks, averting her gaze into her own. "Sophie PLEASE, Come on..."  
>" i cant.. i have to.."<br>"No Soph, Please! I know your hurting, but babe you've done the damage. Don't make it worse, please don't make it worse"_

_She gave in and let them pull her away as her sight went hazy. The sobbing shaking her to the core, smashing its way through her forcing shock-waves of guilt straight to her bleeding heart. But as she was pulled away she managed to catch a glimpse of Amber stood at the side smirking proudly; admiring the fruits of her work. The bitch had ruined her world. The very day before it was due to begin.** You fucking filthy Bitch!** Her face twisted in rage as she tried to scream out. But the words wouldn't come. Lost in the depths, dying painfully in her throat as she sobbed._

_She fell against her dad and buried her head deep into his chest, hiding away from the pain. Rosie let go and in a blur of movement, charged towards Amber, screaming everything under the sun. But she'd switched off. Zoned out to everything but the sound of Sian's sobs somewhere in the distance, blocked off from any feeling but the guilt. the guilt driven by the sound of her Fiancée broken on the floor..._

_How could Amber do this? How could she have done this to her?_

* * *

><p><em>I lie awake...<em>  
><em>In the corner of my mind<em>  
><em>Don't wana stay<em>  
><em>But there is something I should find inside<em>

**Sophie:  
><strong>Shame, deceit, disgust ... guilt.

I sit still on my bed... no...on OUR bed, cradling my knees to my chest as i peer vacantly over the top. A empty shell you'd probably say. You wouldn't be wrong. I'm there in the room. Lights are on...But no ones home.  
>I'm just drained and exhausted, a lost cause.<p>

It's been a few hours since Amber so kindly broke the news after she'd promised she wouldn't. I thought she'd gotten over me... that WE'D gotten over it, put it behind us. It was a stupid, stupid mistake, I couldn't have stressed that enough, but how foolish was i eh? To think for even a _second_ that she'd keep it between us; forget it ever happened. I'd put ALL my trust and faith into her. _BITCH__._.. I honestly thought she'd let me have my happy ending.. but Now I'm the fool and look where it's got me...

I'd told her I felt nothing for her, that it was Sian I loved... But you forget don't you? Emotions don't always work both ways. How could i have been so naive? I shoulda' seen it coming but that's me all over... Blissfully unaware... Nothing ever goes right in my life. It should have been my happy ending! The night before the start of my life; together with the girl I love... gone. Thrown away with her big gob.

Its like they say: _Play with fire... and sooner or later you get burnt_

Sian had arrived back at the house some time ago to begin packing up her stuff. But she'd demanded neither I, nor anyone say a word. Not that i'd listened!

She'd stormed into the room, ignoring my shouts, my pleads for forgiveness. She wouldn't listen. Not to a single word. She'd grabbed various items and flung them into the cases I'd become so used to seeing filled. All the holidays and all the breaks, she'd certainly got her money's worth. Only this time they won't come back. Won't be unpacked. She's packing away any trace of her existence. Any trace of us.

It's left me with nothing to do but sob uncontrollably on the bed while i sit and watch. Watch my fianc... No ...Ex?... No! I can't say it, can't bear to admit it's really happening... She's NOT going! No... she's just, she's jus...  
>Urgh who am I kidding? I'm watching her walk out of my life... she's going to leave me.<p>

_I lost my way_  
><em>But you brought me back to life<em>  
><em>There is no more to say<em>  
><em>I think this is goodbye<em>

I'm crying hysterically, but I don't even know what to feel anymore. I just don't have the energy TO feel...  
>It's the worst experience imaginable.<br>Your heart goes numb, blocking out the pain as you sit and stare, Watch the way the way they move, the way they refuse to acknowledge you're there.

But ultimately, as you watch the love of your life leave. You notice things you've never seen before when you realise this is the last time... the last chance.

She's my everything and tomorrow would have been the start of our lives! Tomorrow was supposed to be it. The Big day; the day that finalised it all, the day that she became my gorgeous, beautiful wife.  
>Not anymore... She's going to leave. Over what? A half truth, a mistake. She believes <em>exactly<em> what she's been told to believe, but she won't hear me out. Oh no... Suddenly I'm not worth the effort. I'd probably understand if it had been something I'd played a conscious part in, but it wasn't. Instead one built on deceit and jealousy. Fuelled by drink and a multitude of lies and unrest. Yet there's nout I can do. I can't take back the past. It's set in stone.

_No you never...Hear me out_  
><em>You just turn and walk away<em>  
><em>Maybe I should write it down<em>  
><em>Is it better off that way?<em>

It's mad. 7 years of friendship and over a year n half together, and yet I make one small... okay okay, one Very big and STUPID mistake and it's as if it meant nothing. As if WE were nothing. I thought she loved me, well at least enough to hear me out. But She's going and she won't look back.  
>Just watching her now, I'm left broken, shaking with the guilt. Because hell, just the mere sight of her sends shockwaves of tingles through my entire body. I love her... More than anything on this world. No scratch that ... she IS my world.<p>

She's beautiful, even when she can't bear to look at me, she's beautiful. She could walk into a room with tears streaming down her face, no makeup, nothing to hide behind and she'd STILL be beautiful. And now I'm gonna lose her.

It was only this morning that she'd called me beautiful, kissed me and held me tight. Now... She won't even look at me, can't _stand_ the sight of me. But I still can't bring myself to tear my eyes away. I'm captivated by her like i always have been. It's almost as if I'm savouring these last few moments. I can't lose her... i just ca... My eyes start to fill as i catch sight of the glint from her ring and once again my stomach plummets. She's still wearing it...

_And it tears me apart_  
><em>To know it didn't work<em>  
><em>Maybe I should write it down<em>  
><em>But I, I can't find the words...<em>

I'd saved for weeks to buy her that. Had to get advances on my wages and yet MORE loans from my dad to afford it. But I'd managed it. Why? Because i love her. Simple enough. I'd _die_ for her, but she won't let me explain. Whenever i try to get her attention, she turns away, puts her ipod in, holds her hand up, ignores me, anything to stop me saying a word. She'd heard enough.

_Hear me out!_  
><em>Don't turn and walk away!<em>  
><em>Maybe i should write it down<em>  
><em>Is it better off that way?<br>_

*Normal P.O.V*

"Sian please!" Sophie tried leaping up off the bed as Sian bent to pick up the last suitcase and started to drag it to the stairs, she grabbed her hand but Sian ripped it away, trying to ignore the flutters it sent to her heart. _Stupid stupid heart._  
>"Do NOT touch me" She stormed out, dragging the case slowly along. <em>Fucking hell why did i bring so much stuff<br>_"Sian! Don't go!" She darted after her  
>"PISS OFF"<br>"Babe, please"  
>"Do NOT Babe me!"<br>"Please! It's not what you think"  
>"Go to hell Sophie"<br>"Please Sian... Just..." She couldn't take it any longer she grabbed hold of her waist, "JUST HEAR ME OUT!"  
>Sian dropped the case and span back, pushing her off as she glared furiously. " NO! FUCK YOU SOPHIE! You have NOTHING to say to me..."<br>"JUST Listen!"  
>They screamed desperately over one another<br>"...Do you hear me?"  
>"PLEASE"<br>Sian lifted her hand and in her desperation to make her understand; slapped her hard across the cheek "NOTHING!"

The moment her hand made contact, they'd frozen.  
>Locked in position as Sian stared on open mouthed, horrified at the sudden loss of self control; the evidence of her rage. She'd hit her. <em>Really<em> hit her. She'd never EVER done that before...  
>Sophie slowly lifted her trembling fingers to the cheek. She flinched. It Stung, ached, scorched with the result of Sian's uncontained anger.<p>

How could she have done this to her? Look what she'd forced her to become...

_And it tears me apart_  
><em>To know it didn't work<em>  
><em>Maybe i should write it down<em>  
><em>But i, i can't find the words...<em>

"I...i... i'm sor..." Sian opened and closed her mouth in shock. She was appalled, horrified at herself... but she couldn't apologise... not after what she'd done. She sucked in a shaky breath, then did the one thing she does best. She turned and bolted.  
>"No Sian WAIT!" Sophie called desperately...But she'd gone...<p>

* * *

><p><em> It may be over but it won't stop there,<em>_  
><em>_ I am here for you if you'd only care.  
><em>  
>I'd wandered back into my room, collapsing to the floor in a fit of anguish. Nothing to do but let the emotions engulf me once more. Shrouding and shutting me down to the core...<p>

Rosie had found me there not long after and had rushed to my side, cradling me, trying to console me. But i don't want it. Don't want the wasted breath. I deserve the pain; the heartache; every last painful thud.  
>But I don't have the energy to fight against her.<p>

"Why did you do it?"  
>It's a simple enough question. But the answer... That would take some explaining. "I..." I let out a shaky sob " i.. don't... know ..." it's a lie... but as they say .. the truth hurts. The bitch had spiked my drink and i'd blacked out. I can't even remember <em>getting <em>into bed with her. But it had happened, and i can't take it back.

"You must know... it takes two to tango"  
><em>Urgh Now really isn't the time for humor<em>  
>"Unless it's rape..." I scoffed<br>"But it wasn't... you got into bed with her Soph"  
>"Yeah... As everyone keep fucking telling me! !" <em>God it's Like they think i need fucking reminding. <em> I pulled away and glared at my sister.  
>"Then why the hell did you do it?"<br>"I didn't..."  
>"Well She says you did!."<br>"NO! I mean... i did But, not on purpose..."  
>Rosie scoffed disbelievingly... "I'm not being funny Soph but you can't just shag someone by accident... "<br>"I didn't do it by accident! URGH"  
>"You're not making any sense... When did it happen?"<br>"About 2 months ago..."  
>"So while Sian was away?"<br>I nodded _ i feel guilty enough as it is ..._  
>"And you've kept it secret this LONG?" Another nod... "Jesus Christ Sophie... I thought you loved her?"<br>"I do! God Rosie.. as if you even need to ask that! I love her more than anything on this planet! We're supposed to be getting married TOMRORROW remember?"

"SO why the fucking hell did you cheat!"  
>Urgh... I couldn't contain it any longer. The secret had to come out. "I DIDN'T! HOW MANY TIMES? She spiked my drink Rosie... she FUCKING SPIKED-MY-DRINK. I didn't choose to do it... Hell no... I wouldn't touch her with a barge pole but it happened. I didn't know what I was doing, where I was or why I was doing it, I was COMPLETELY and UTTERLY <em>out of it<em>... But next thing I know, I wake up and I'm in _her_ bed, and I don't remember a BLOODY THING. I can't stand the girl, let alone in that way. So you know what... she as good as raped me cos I sure as hell didn't give my consent."  
>Rosie frowned<br>"What? I'm absolutely REVOLTED that i went near her!"  
>"then why ke..."<br>"Look... Shitfaced outta my mind does NOT COUNT... i was not of sane mind and you know that. Now I'm paying for it! The love of MY life is gone... God knows where and i can't do anything! So there you happy now? That explain it enough?" I broke down into another wave of tears as Rosie stared on open mouthed. Can i blame her? I'm such a fucking mess. She pulled me against her chest and just cradled me, murmuring soothing, gentle, pointless words. I know she doesn't have a clue what she's saying, but I don't care. Just being there is enough.

***Normal P.O.V***  
>Rosie closed her eyes and gently rocked her, hushing and soothing. Trying to sound encouraging while inside she was seething. She was gona kill Amber...<p>

_And the tears come streaming down on your face_  
><em>When you lose something you can't replace<em>  
><em>When you love someone but it goes to waste<em>  
><em>Could it be worse?<em>

"Have you tried explaining to Sian?" She gently rubbed her back  
>"Have I tried? Rosie i've been doing nothing but ... she just... w.. woul..wouldn't listen!" She stumbled, trying to bite back the tears<br>"Can you blame her... Babe...Far as she's concerned she just found out you cheated the day before you're due to get married..."  
>"But i didn't cheat!"<br>"You still slept with her Soph..."  
>She dropped her head in shame... Rosie was right. No amount of apologising was going to change that...<br>"I need to tell her... She can't leave me... not without knowing not.. not" She broke down again  
>"Hey hey shhh" Rosie cradled her tighter<br>"I cant lose her Rosie... I just can't!"  
>"I know babe... i know" She rubbed her sides as she tried to think of a way... any possible way to make Sian see. Because she knew no matter how much pain Sophie had caused, she knew that they were made for each other. There was no one else she'd rather see her sister with. No one else could light up her world the way Sian did. And blow it if she was gona let them tear that apart.<p>

"I can't let her go Rosie... knowing that she'll never know the truth..."  
>"Heyy shhh..."<br>"I just dont know how to tell her... she wouldnt listen and i couldnt get it out... and i tried and and.."  
>"Shhh hey calm down babe" Rosie cradled her head and pressed soft kisses to her temple. "She's coming back, don't worry babe "<br>"How can you know? Rosie She's probably half way to southport by now.." She sucked in a shaky breath as the realisation dawned on her. She was gone...  
>"What? Without her cases? I doubt it. Just calm down babe" She stroked some hair out of her eyes and pressed a kiss to her temple. "She'll be back and then you can try again..."<p>

"But i dont know what to say... I'll mess it up, or she wont listen or .. or..." She trailed off and sighed, snuggling into her sister further. She had absolutely no idea how to win her back.

Rosie sighed and closed her eyes. Taking a moment to just relax with her sister, be close to her. She wanted to help her, wanted to shower her with advice, comforting words but truth be told... she was just as lost as her sister. She needed a way... an idea.. a script of knowledge... a lett... Omg THATS IT She snapped her eyes open. An idea had hit her, a really fucking amazing idea. **Man im a genius !** "Why don't you write it down?"  
>Sophie pulled back snapped her gaze back up. "What like in a letter?"<br>"Yeah! That way she has to see it don't she? She can't walk away from it so she'll read it! ...Unless she rips it up of course, which would be REALLY stupid.. but then i cant realleh do m..."  
>"Oh my God ... Rosie that's brilliant!" She squealed hopefully and threw her arms around her neck, cutting off her rambling.<br>"Alright alright..." Rosie laughed "It's just a suggestion ... Might not work"  
>"Worth a shot though right?"<br>"Mhmm, I'll leave you too it yeah?" She smiled encouragingly as the panic washed over Sophie's expression. She didn't want to be alone... not now... Rosie gently pushed some hair out of the younger girls face. "You need some space for this letter to mean anything. And you can't do that with me hovering over yeh can yeh?"  
>"Spose..."<p>

"Look" She smiled warmly "I'll go down, keep an eye out for if she gets back. But if you need me just shout and i'll come straight up. I promise" She pressed a soft kiss to her cheek as Sophie smiled.  
>"Thankyou"<em><strong> I dont deserve it..<strong>**.**._  
>"Just take your time yeah... get it all out onto the page. And bring it from the heart!" She prodded her chest playfully raising her eyebrows. "Cos i know what your like!"<br>Sophie let out a small chuckle. Yup... any sign of expressing her emotion and she'd switch off. Freeze up. Pathetic really.

"If she truly loves you half as much as she made out, she'll read it... and she'll know."  
>Sophie's heart melted. Her sister was just...amazing. "Thank you"<p>

The older girl smiled and hugged her tighter "Anytime sis... oh and a little tip..."  
><em>Aha.. knew there was more<em> "Mmm?"  
>" when you give it to her..."<br>"Yeah?"  
>"snog the face off her."<br>Oh dear lord ... She burst out laughing "Rosie!"  
>"What?"<br>"She can't even look at me, let alone hang around enough to do the dirty" She laughed  
>"Oh shutup !" She grinned " Look! I don't care if she tries to push you off... Fight back, keep her in place, i duno.. just do somet... Cos i promise you this ... If that's your parting gift, and THEN she reads your letter... She'll come<em> crawling <em>back. No doubt about it" She smiled and gave her a last reassuring hug. "I love you Sophie"

She pulled away and pushed off from the floor, pausing in the doorway as she glanced back a final time.  
>It hurt... seeing her sister so broken, so guilty. She could see she hadn't meant to do it. She believed her.<br>Hell if she, Rosie Webster, could see how sorry she was, then surely Sian could. But there was nothing she could do. It was their problem and theirs to solve. She just hoped to God her plan would work...

She took a deep breath and smiled. Sophie could do it... she just knew it "Good luck"  
>She blew her a parting kiss before she turned and left her to it.<p>

_Come on Sophie... you can do it _

The younger smiled and took a deep breath, drying her tears...  
>This was it. All she had left to truly express the truth... To win her back<br>Here goes...  
>She grabbed a pen and paper and began her note...<p>

_Lights will guide you home_  
><em> And ignite your bones<em>  
><em> And I will try to fix you<em>


	2. I will try to fix you

**Hey guys :) I just want to say THANKYOU so much for all your amazing comments on here and the livejournal. I was amazed at the response and i'm so happy you liked part 1 :)**  
><strong><br>****Sorry for the delay again... i've been having computer problems and i got really fussy writing this haha. I kept going back and changing it and editing it so i've decided its going up whether i like it or not :P Before i ruin it haha**

**I Hope you like it. Pretty depressing to write but the Siophie scenes last night ... Awwww :) Cheered me up.**  
><strong>As always PLEASE Review if you like it. Thank you! :)xxx<br>**So without further ado Heres part two.****

* * *

><p><em><strong>I guess its gona have to hurt<strong>_  
><em><strong>I guess i'm gona have to cry<br>And let go of some things i've loved  
>To get to the other side<strong>_

Sian took a deep breath outside the door, and twisted the ring over and over in her fingers; the last remaining piece of Sophie in her possession.  
>She'd tried to run away, she really had but the attempt had been about as successful as a bird without wings.<p>

Bailing at the last minute, escaping when things get hard; it's exactly what she does best. But not this time, no. She needed to do it properly; she needed to see her. If anything to let her heart go, because no matter how much it bled for her, bled for the pain she'd caused, it still ached. Just an endless stream of throbbing and pounding as it _still_ beat for her the way it could for no one else, albeit painfully, but it was there.

But she couldn't let it. Not now.

***Sian P.O.V***

The Websters... such a difficult and awkward family. Yet without em, id be nothing. But with em, im left with nothing. They'd all remained calm when I'd finally returned, but not that I'd expected any different. I mean come on, they were hardly gona throw a party were they... They're just as shocked as I am. But their pain could never amount to mine... oh no. I feel sick with the throbbing in the tattered remains of my heart as I choke back the tears, hiding away the remnants of my soul; the soul SHE'S ripped it apart.

I'd walked in, drying away the tears and they'd all got up, reaching out to me, giving me looks of sympathy, but none more so than Rosie. Amazing, sweet Rosie.

I've never really appreciated just how amazing she is... I mean... She'd taken me slowly into her arms and not said anything... no mention of the girl upstairs, or what she'd done, no snide remarks, and no attempt to make me see sense. Nothing... Shocking! I know. But for that...honestly I was so grateful; I'd needed the comfort, someone to hold me tight.

But it wasn't just that, it had been a welcome excuse to hide away from the vacant expression on Sally's face. For a woman who's been through so much; cancer, a marriage breakdown, her family ripped apart. And now for me to be at the centre of another nail in the heart... it's too much.

I _know _she's appalled at her daughter, I don't need a degree in psychology to spot that one, yet _still_ it's obvious she's in two minds over who to support. Such conflicting emotions had run over the poor woman's face as I'd stood but a few feet away. But I don't want to make it worse. Kevin's already ripped the family apart to the point of almost no return and now for her daughter to do the same... and for the same reasons... I...i .. i just can't sit around and let it happen; Stay and watch it get worse.  
>They don't need the pain and I can't let Sophie break the last ties, Sally needs her.<p>

I'd sighed and relaxed into Rosie's embrace. Just knowing someone was there to give comfort, when in reality they should be pushing me away... I'm not family, but they'd accepted me into their home for over a year now, treated me like one of their own. And for that I love them. How could I not? Sally's like a mother to me... But I can't hang around.

Don't get me wrong. I'm grateful, of course, but it's got to end. I've got to say goodbye.  
>I know if i stay i'll split the family further, because i know... deep down that this is the last straw. And it's the final blow that Sally will take. Her daughter... A cheater.<p>

I sigh dejectedly outside the room.  
>She's only the other side of this door... but it's like she's a league away. She's not the girl i once loved. Not anymore<p>

I'd had my time, cleared my head and now i'm ready to go back in the room. Ready to face up to my fears. But this is where it begins...

**_I guess its gona break me down_**  
><strong><em>Like falling when you try to fly<em>**  
><strong><em>Its sad but sometimes<em>**  
><strong><em>Moving on with the rest of your life<em>**  
><strong><em>Starts with goodbye<em>**

* * *

><p><strong>*Normal P.O.V*<strong>

This was it... time to end it. She slowly pushed the door open and edged her way into the room, mulling over what she had to say. It all came down to this final moment.  
>Her breath hitched as she caught sight of her on the bed... broken, hugging her knees and shaking.<p>

But thankfully Sophie remained silent; too scared to say anything in fear of Sian bolting again, but still the tears flowed. She hugged the envelope to her chest with her knees, shielding it from view. Her lifeline to possibly save their relationship, but she just had to remain calm. Waiting, hoping.

Sian paused in the centre of the room, and locked their gaze, preparing herself for what she had to say. This was going to be the hardest thing she'd ever done; Saying goodbye, but she had to do it.

"I'm going..."  
>"No pl..."<br>"Don't..." She held up her hand to silence her "...Don't make this harder than it already is."  
>Sophie sighed "I just..."<br>"...You know I can't stay, not after what you've done..."  
>Sophie dropped her head dejectedly "Just let me expl..."<br>"No, you lost the right to say anything to me the moment you fucked Amber"  
>"I swear i didn't do it deliberately... It's not what you think at all, i swear i..."<br>"...Shut up"

She froze, and clamped her mouth shut, hurt by the harshness in her voice. It's a mile away from the beautiful comforting tones she was used to. She managed to bring out a side in Sian she'd never wanted to see...

"I thought you loved me..."  
>"I do"<br>Sian let out a disbelieving breath "Yet you shagged another girl?... No no...not just any girl. Oh no... Amber. Of all the people in the world and you went for her_... Congratulations_... Well you know what? Have her, cos I'm through"  
>"But I don't <em>want<em> her...I never did"  
>"What and that's supposed to make it all okay is it?"<br>"No I didn't mean..."  
>"You had me Sophie, right there in the palm of your fucking hand. And you abused it... Tossed me away like a stone to the dirt. Did it not occur to you, not even for one TINY moment, that I lost everything for you? EVERYTHING!"<br>Sophie scowled "No you didn't"  
>"What so my home, my parents, my friends, my life, that's not everything?<br>She dropped her head  
>"Mhmm thought so... I lost EVERYTHING and this is how you repay me?"<br>"You didn't lose your home , you live here!"  
>"Yeah only cos i had nowhere else to go! Because of you!"<br>"Oh don't turn it back on me! You loved me. We FOUGHT to be together so don't you dare make it out like it's my fault..."  
>"EVERYTHING is your fault Sophie! Without you I'd have my family... I'd have a home, i wouldn't have this fucking GOD AWFUL pain in my chest... This heartbreak that you've caused, cos YOU'VE ripped it out Soph. You've really gone and bit the bullet this time... you hypocritical JEALOUS BITCH"<p>

She flinched and dropped her gaze shaking her head. She felt sick with the shame. Disgusted in her very own existence. Every word Sian had just said had been a knife to the heart, it was all truth and she HATED it. "I swear I never meant to hu..."  
>"Don't say it... don't you fucking dare!" She took a deep breath and leaned back against the wall, it was now or never. "You've broken me Soph... there's no way to fix this..." She closed her eyes "I'm going to say this, and I'm going to say it once... don't interrupt me or I swear I'll leave."<p>

Sophie took a laboured breath and nodded, as much as she wanted to scream out, make her listen, she daren't. If it meant 3 more minutes together, then she'd gladly do it. All she needed was time... time to do this right.

**_You touched my heart, you touched my soul._**  
><strong><em>You changed my life and all my goals.<em>**  
><strong><em>And love is blind and that I knew when,<em>**  
><strong><em>My heart was blinded by you.<em>**

"When I left earlier, i tried to leave, tried to get away. But I couldn't. Not without seeing you and saying goodbye, because I just couldn't stop thinking about us..." she averted her gaze for a moment, trying to keep her breathing steady... " And as much as i want to deny it, want to forget it, I can't. You were my absolute everything."

Sophie's heart sank. She hadn't missed the past tense reference...

" Just the thought of being able to share the rest of my life with you, was just..." She trailed off contemplating over a word... a word that summed up it all "...perfect." She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, filling her aching lungs. "I've never felt happier in my entire life than the day you proposed." She twirled the ring around her fingers, gazing at the gem, at the engraving on the side. It was beautiful. But it was from a proposal based on guilt and deceit. "So spontaneous, out of the blue... but that's you all over... and it made me SO happy..." She sighed and gripped the ring, balling it up her fists, unable to look at it any longer. "Because I thought it meant you wanted me, wanted me for the rest of your life..." She let out an involuntary sob, breaking free from her wall of hidden emotion. _How could she have been so naive?..._She took a deep breath and composed herself, rubbing away the tears. "Till death do us part..."

Sophie started to sob "I do want you!"  
>But Sian closed her eyes and ignored her "I've never loved anyone so much in my entire life, hell i couldn't <em>bear<em> to be away from yeh for more than 5 minutes... The time apart, the holidays... it all killed me. Cos _i love you_, you must know that..."  
>"I do..."<br>"Yet every time a bloke would look over you just couldn't accept it. You always were a jealous cow"  
>Sophie started to shake her head, crying with the guilt.<br>"and you thought I'd be the one to cheat..." She laughed "how wrong was you eh! You pathetic little..." she trailed off

She couldn't say it... Just the sight, the pain of seeing her broken on the bed... if it weren't for her stubborn nature, Sian would have forgotten it all in that instant. Taken her back.  
>She hated how easily Sophie could sway her, one soppy look and she'd be putty in her hands... but she had to fight it this time; for both their sakes.<p>

But denying her heart was denying the hidden truth. Denying it all.

She took a final glance around the room. _Their room_. The memories, the laughs... the sadness, the tears... the happiness, the joys... they'd all happened right in here. This was the room they'd finally given themselves to one another. Body and mind... She sighed and leant her head back, scrunching up her eyes. _I thought Sophie was the one_

**_I've kissed your lips and held your hand._**  
><strong><em>Shared your dreams and shared your bed.<em>**  
><strong><em>I know you well, I know your smell.<em>**  
><strong><em>I've been addicted to you.<em>**

"You wouldn't believe how much my heart is screaming at me to stay... screaming at me to let it all blow over, forget it all..."  
>"Then Let it..."<br>She looked back open mouthed "I can't! Fucking hell I can't do it Soph. Not when you gave yourself to someone else..."  
>"I di.."<br>"WILLINGLY, or not you still did it..." She huffed and averted her gaze, unable to look at the monstrosity any longer, only for it to land on something far worse .

A picture, just one small picture. Yet it held a lie; a captured memory of them kissing after she'd said yes. A picture speaks a thousand words they say... But not this time. It screamed out just one. LIAR

She snapped her gaze to the floor, gritting her teeth together in resentment.  
>"I'd seen it comin'. All the nights out, all the laughs, the cheeky glances... but once again perfect little Webster's lie their way out of everything don't they?"<br>"I wasn't lying!" She gritted her teeth too in annoyance. _Just frickin listen to me! __"_I don't want her, i didn't then and I NEVER did.. because i was dru..."  
>"The ONE time I worry, the ONE time i doubt you... and i was right..."<br>_Oh for crying out loud_ "No! Because I love you..."  
>Sian snapped her gaze back up "How can you say that? How on earth can you have the <em>nerve<em> to say that?"  
>"Because it's TRUE! Why else would i propose?"<br>"You tell me! Why DID you propose Sophie? Eh?"  
>"Because i want to spend the rest of my life with you!" she whined in desperation<br>"Then WHY THE FUCK DID YOU CHEAT?"  
>"I DIDN'T!"<br>"OH JUST FUCK OFF!" That was it... the final straw that sent Sian's heart plummeting. Lying to her face... She pushed off from the wall and flicked the hair out of her face, gripping the ring tighter.

Time to go...

And Sophie knew it. She shot up off the bed, stuffing the letter into her pocket and reached out to her, sobbing with all her heart "Please don't leave me"  
>"I have to..."<br>"Please Sian... _please_ .. I can't lose you"  
>"You already have"<br>" No, Please!" She sobbed " i'm beggin you"  
>"What, like how you begged her? Begged her for more, begged her for a release...?"<br>"No Sian, i nev..."  
>"You bitch" She pushed her away violently<br>"Sian please" She lurched forward again and grasped her arm but Sian shrugged her off  
>"No! You're no better than yer dad." She didn't care that he was only downstairs. <em>Let him hear<em>... _He'd never liked me anyway._ "Filthy cheating scum!"

Sophie flinched as her words hit home. She'd been the first to judge him... and now? Now she was no better "Please Sian..." but she'd turned away and closed her eyes.  
>"Please!" Sophie reached out and grasped her waist "I'll do anything! Just stay, hear me out, just don't leave me, please... please don't leave m..."<p>

Sian couldn't take it anymore. Every pathetic grovel was stabbing another hole in her heart, tugging at the strings and consuming her with guilt. She'd done nothing wrong but with every pained sob her stomach would twist.  
>"Stop!" She shrugged her off and span back. "<em>Please<em> ... just STOP!"

Sophie froze, breathing heavily.

Sian carefully and tentatively reached forward and placed a finger to the brunette's lips and took hold of her free hand. Taking it slow, just using the moment to look into her eyes, into her soul through those gorgeous blue orbs. Truly see into her for the last time. She gazed longingly, searching for anything, any hidden facade in her tears. But there was none. Nothing but pain and guilt.

She had to go, and this was it.

"Please don't leave me... please Sian"

**_Goodbye my lover._**  
><strong><em>Goodbye my friend.<em>**  
><strong><em>You have been the one.<em>**  
><strong><em>You have been the one for me.<em>**

***Sian P.O.V***  
>"Shhh..." I gently trailed my fingers across her lips and over her cheek, tracing the soft curve of the delicate skin. "It's for the best..."<br>I brought them to a halt as I cupped her cheek, gazing softly at her. She leaned into my touch and rested her hand on my waist.

She has such gorgeous eyes... I know it's a bit off topic. But she does; A vibrant blue, deep and rich.  
>At the moment they're pooled with tears but I could honestly find myself lost in them for hours, and just now I'm captivated...<p>

You could see the world in her eyes. Even when she couldn't find the courage to speak all i'd need to do was look into them and I'd know. Her face could be hard as stone; blocked off from any emotion... but her eyes... they'd say it all. It's like they say, women can read expressions like a book. But with Sophie... her eyes expressed what her face could not. Her thoughts, her emotions... The truth.

_How could she do this?_

Seeing her now, holding her close... it's making me question my morals, my decision. Because i know no matter how much she's hurt me, I'll always love her. Part of me is screaming out, begging me to stay, begging me to change my mind... but i have to fight it.  
>It's the part that will always belong to her because no matter what, I accepted the proposal for a reason... She's it for me.<p>

Tears started to roll down both our cheeks, as we gazed at one another. Shaking, Sobbing. We knew this was the end.

_She's so beautiful... everything about her... her eyes, her lips, her smile... _My stomach twisted. I cant lose her... i need her .. i want her.. i l...**No!**  
>I sucked in a breath, trying to shake off the betraying thoughts. I <strong>NEED<strong> to go... But I just need to know... i need to know the truth.

**_Nobody said it was easy_**  
><strong><em>It's such a shame for us to part<em>**  
><strong><em>Nobody said it was easy<em>**  
><strong><em>No one ever said it would be this hard<em>**

***Sophie P.O.V***  
>"Why did you do it Soph?... What did i do wrong?"<br>_What?_ I frowned. Only Sian could turn an act of such, vile disloyalty on my part and make it about her. "N.n..n..nothing..." I sighed trying to compose myself "Sian you've done nothing wrong." I let go and rubbed my hands nervously against my jeans. I didn't know what to say... didn't know what would make it all better. "It was Amber, I swear. She got me dru..."  
>"Do you love me?"<br>I paused and let out a huff. Frowning as I tried to comprehend her question. She keeps asking me to tell her the truth, but won't let me finish. Of course i love her..."More than anything..."  
>"And do you want her?"<br>"No! Don't be daft"  
>"Was she good?"<br>Was she g...? _What?_ ... I shook my head and tried to get my head around her ridiculous question. "Why are you asking me this?..."  
>"Just answer the question Sopheh. Was she...?"<br>"No! Of course she bloody wasn't"  
>"Really now...?"<br>"She wasn't! Because I don't remember even fucking doing it... and even if I did... she wouldn't have been, because your the only one i want. No one else compares to you"  
>She let out a disbelieving laugh but I didn't let it phase me.<br>"I don't want her... I want you, all of you..."  
>"Then Prove it..."<br>_  
>Bugger...<em>

My face must have said it all because she carried on.  
>"Prove it to me Soph, tell me how much you want me, because if you don't then I'm gone"<br>Panic... panic now...I started to shake, trying to think of anything to make her see. Why did she have to throw this at me... Anything else and i could have done it. Jump off a bridge, take a bullet, dirty laundry, cook her tea. ANYTHING... and i'd have been fine. But ask me to express my feelings and i seize up. It's like she's chucked me into a ring and demanded i fight. But i can't. There's no fight left in me. Not when i have no idea how to.

She started shaking her head "See, you can't..."  
>"I don't know how!" I whined desperately<br>"If you really loved me, you'd find a way..."  
>No... she's not doing this to me. "Please Sian, Just give me some time please"<br>"No ... It's too late... you blew it"

NO! She cant.. she didn't...

She did.

3 words... spoken with such pain and emotion, with the aura of goodbye. But completely and utterly true. I blew it

"Don't leave me..."

She pushed me back to the bed and tore her hand away as i felt a slight weight drop into my own. I glanced down... the ring. _No..._  
>My stomach plummeted.<p>

Then she turned picked up her case and disappeared out the room for one last time, but i was frozen in place. Locked down by the pain, and desperation in my soul... I needed something... anything. I glanced around the room desperately searching for a clue, any sort of inspiration to win her back, to tell her how much she meant to me. But the room lay blank. Empty of any trace of her existence except the photo, the crumpled remains of our love... the paper.. pa.. OMG

It hit me like a tonne of bricks... I'm SUCH an idiot. I started to shake as i reached into my pocket and withdrew the item. The lifeline, the letter that said it all.  
>BOLLOCKS! I'd completely forgotten about it in my desperation to keep it hidden.<br>i'd had somet all along. Argh She had to read it!

"SIAN!" i shoved the ring and letter back into my pocket and threw my bedroom door open, but she wasn't there.

I bolted down the stairs and ran into the lounge  
>"Sian?"<br>"She left ... " Rosie spoke up from the Sofa frowning "didn't you give her your let...?"  
>But i cursed desperately cutting her off. <em>Please don't be gone ... please<em>... I twisted and ran out the door ignoring Rosie's shouts after me.

"Sian wait..." I hauled the door open and sighed in relief at the fact she was still there; tugging her cases to the taxi but she didn't look back. She was crying hysterically, desperately trying to get away as Lloyd helped drag another case to the boot.  
>"Sian! Sian wait" I ran up the path after her and grabbed hold of her wrist spinning her round.<br>"Piss off" She shrugged me off but i caught her before she could turn away. "Go to hell..."

I cut her off and pushed her back against the bush clutching her cheeks as i pressed myself into her.  
>"Get off me!"<br>She tried to shrug out of my grasp but I stayed true to my promise. I wasn't going to let Rosie down.  
>"No! Let go! Get off me!" She struggled , twisting and shaking. But i stayed strong. I had to do this... she had to see.<br>I leant in close and she froze "What are you doing?"

"Proving it..."

**_And Tears stream down your face_**  
><strong><em>I promise you I will learn from my mistakes<em>**  
><strong><em>And Tears stream down your face<em>**  
><strong><em>And I...<em>**

**_...I will try to fix you_**


	3. Goodbye My Lover

_Hey Guys Sorry its been ages. You've probably all forgotten about this fic, but A lots happened to me recently (good and bad) and i just didnt have the time to write or get anything up. I finally managed to get this down and then lost the whole thing haha :P but i rewrote it the best i could and ive made a start on the next bit. I'm really ill atm so i've had some free time :)_

_But despite all the bad stuff that's happened, one good thing has come out of my dreadful week._  
><em>2 very lovely young ladies followed me on twitter and made my life :) You may know them ... Brooke Vincent and Sacha Parkinson? .. :P hehe Im honored and so so happy.<em>  
><em>So follow me on twitter TeamBrookeSacha :)<em>

_If You like this PLEASE Review.. It makes writing worthwhile. :)_

* * *

><p><em><strong> Loving you was easy, playing by the rules...<strong>_  
><em><strong> But Oh, it hit me like a steel freight train<strong>_  
><em><strong> when she told me<br>**_**_Nothing ever hurt like you,  
><em>****_No, Nothing ever hurt like you_**

***Sian P.O.V***

"Proving it..."

My heart stopped. My eyes widened in fear with the world and everything in it coming to a halt as our gaze locked. Her eyes flickered to my lips and but before I had time to react, time to even _consider _what that meant, she'd closed the gap and crushed her lips to mine .

_FUCK ..no...no ..._ I panicked. Every single part of me tensed up as I try to pull back, forcing myself further into the solid hedge. The thorns pierce my neck, and I flinch knocking the wind clean out of me. _What is she doing?_ I squeal against her lips, sucking in a frantic breath; shoving against her stomach while I struggle in my sudden rage, but she keeps me still. _NO!_ _Get off me!_ She's backed me into the hedge and every inch of her front is keeping me fixed, locked in place. _I didn't know she was this strong..._My mind starts racing, clouding up in a blur of panicked shrieks, yells, cries that I cannot voice; trapped deep in the depths as my innate reactions take over.

My heart starts to race the way it always does when she kisses me, only this time it's mixed with the fear, the desperate need to get away. But _she knows_ what she does to me; _she knows _she can sway me. Her hands grip my cheeks harder forcing me to remain still. I try to twist free but it was useless... I can't move...

Her lips move gently at first over my own as she tries to pour everything she can into the kiss...  
>I let my body freeze, hoping it will make her stop, but I may as well have held up the white flag for all the good it's done me. She took it as her cue to prise my lips open and deepen the kiss sending another wave of panic on its devastating course through me.<p>

I burst into tears, flinching as the tears roll freely down my cheeks.  
>I <em>hate <em>the way she has to lock me in place to try prove it, just to kiss me. Only this morning we'd been snuggled together, kissing blissfully, yet now, mere hours later and she has to force me against a bush to even try...

I'm just so confused, trapped, lost in a sea of emotion. I hate the way she's making me feel so scared... I can't understand it. Kissing her is natural... _Isn't it?_

She's my fiancée ...the girl I love ... The girl that broke my heart!  
>I growl in desperation. I want to be a million miles away, not trapped in her arms, her lips latched to mine.<p>

Every part of me screams in rage, frantically coming together as one with my mind at the forefront, leading the emotion on; _every single _part of me... except my heart. My heart clings on to that last little bit of hope, fighting, battling in its quest; begging me to give in...

My heart wants the truth... my heart wants to believe she'd never cheat. But it doesn't stop it aching. I want her; I can't bear to leave her...  
>And as much as I want to deny it... I can't. I'm not that strong.<p>

_**When I hate you,**_  
><em><strong>It's so untrue<strong>_  
><em><strong>I can't even convince myself<strong>_  
><em><strong>When I'm speaking,<strong>_  
><em><strong>It's the voice of someone else<strong>_

I finally relax into the kiss and just let the pain fade into the distance as I concentrate on nothing but the feel of her lips, the touch of her hand...it's easier. My own hands move of their own accord and lock into her hair as I let out an unwanted moan... I can't help it, kissing Sophie sets me free! She's everything I long for, everything I need in life. But she's broken me!  
>Yet somehow kissing her now... it feels like the pieces are reforming, the empty spaces are being filled with this overwhelming, relaxing, warm sensation; a feeling I so desperately long for.<p>

She relaxes her hold on me and drops her hands to my waist, but I don't pull away, instead I pull her closer and open my mouth. She's overruled every single rational thought; every rational action and replaced it with nothing but memories, the love I feel for her...

Our tongues collide midway and I can't help but groan. The kiss is electrifying; breathtaking.  
>I give in to her, remembering all the good times; the happy times. It just all comes flooding back as I'm locked in this fierce embrace with the girl I can't possibly deny I love. Its rough; exhilarating...but its pouring everything we have... expressing what words cannot.<br>I know this is her desperate bid to salvage our relationship.

I can't go...not now... not now that I want her ... all of her. I want her ... **No!** _**What the fuck am I doing? **_I snap back to reality and pull back in horror, shoving her away violently. She stumbles back looking shocked for a second but she doesn't retaliate. I turn my head away and grit my teeth; disgusted at myself, at her. Why did I give in? Am I really that weak?

_**I don't believe you**_  
><em><strong>And I never will<strong>_  
><em><strong>Oh I can't live by your side<strong>_  
><em><strong>With the lies you've tried to instill<strong>_

The sound of someone clearing their throat interrupts us. We look to find Lloyd stood awkwardly at the side...  
>"I..uh... "He coughed "I'm uh .. gona drive back round to the office... you er.. need some space"<br>I scowled "No don't I'm coming now"  
><em>"NO Sian!" <em>She Grabs my wrist but as i throw heroff, he shakes his head... silencing my retort "No ... I'll be 5 minutes!" He held up his hand gesturing the figure. "...then I'll come back round...i promise."  
>Before I could even utter a word he turned and hastily got into the car leaving us alone once more.<p>

My stomach drops... Im stuck with her.

I snap my gaze back to her. She hasn't moved, she's staring back frozen in place. Her shoulders rise and fall heavily as she takes in nervous breaths. I shake my head in disgust. It's obvious she's scared of my reaction, scared of what I'll do... but why? I'm just scared of the thought of 5 more minutes with her... 5 more minutes for her to warp my mind; corrupt my thoughts and make me forgive her.  
>My heads spinning, raging with utter resentment...<em>Why Sophie? Why kiss me?<em>

I think she's sensed that the moods changed. She steps closer reaching out to me  
>But I flinch away, sliding along the hedge... "No... don't...tou... NO!..." I shake my head at the incoherent mumbles, gritting my teeth in a desperate attempt to salvage some control. <em>NO! She can't just kiss me and think it will all be forgotten... NO!<em>

_**This is the last straw**_  
><em><strong>I don't want to hurt anymore<strong>_  
><em><strong>And you can tell me that you're sorry<strong>_  
><em><strong>But i don't believe you baby<strong>_  
><em><strong>Like i did before<strong>_

"Sian please..." She reaches out to me but I suddenly find my inner strength and shove her away. I can't bear to let her touch me. I don't know where it comes from but I push off from the hedge, squaring up to her.  
>"HOW dare you..." The beast inside sparks to life and takes over forcing the violence up as I lash out "HOW...BLOODY...DARE... YOU!" I punctuate every word with a slap to the chest as she reaches up to defend herself taking steps back... "You little shit..."<p>

That's it ... I let loose  
>"Sian Stop it!" She shrieks trying to fend me off<br>But i don't listen, i'm Screaming, hurling the insults "...You BITCH!"  
>She flinches at a particularly hard blow<br>"YOU BASTARD!"  
>"Please!"<br>" You Disgusting TART, HOE...!"  
>"SIAN!" She reaches out and grips my wrists together cutting me off. "Sian CALM DOWN!"<p>

I scowl and rip them away taking a step back, breathing in sharply.  
>"CALM DOWN! You want me to BLOODY CALM DOWN"<br>"Sian please..."  
>"How <em>dare<em> you kiss me..."  
>"no i..."<br>"...like it's going to make it all better..."  
>"No! I ...I just..."<br>"Just what? Spit it out Sophie!"  
>She glares "You told me to prove it!"<br>"By fucking kissing me?"  
>"You kissed me back! ..."<p>

_Fuck.. that shuts me up..._ my stomach plummets as she voices it. The truth i so desperately want, **no** ... NEED to deny.  
><em><br>_**_Stop for a minute  
>Take the time <em>_  
><em>_Cause you know your heart...  
>Your heart won't lie<em>**

"No I didn't" it comes out as a mere whisper... pathetic, unwanted.  
>Her face hardens "Don't lie... you kissed me back and you know it! You felt it... "<br>To that I have no response... she's right. I turn my head away.  
>"SO Go on! Deny it! Deny your fucking heart! I know that made you feel something! I know you fucking felt it there!" She lifts her hand to my chest, pressing it above my heart.<br>I swat it away but it's too late... the damage is done. It sent tingles straight to the core; my burning,tattered heart.

I start shaking my head, balling my fists up in disgust. WHY? Why does she have to have this effect me? _Why_ can't she just let me go; let me go, hating _every bit _of her existence? Why?  
>Because hating her is so much easier... effortless in comparison to trying to leave <em>knowing<em> my heart longs for her; aches for her... Than to TRY to ignore it...  
>Every single ounce of my being is screaming at me to stay... She'd done it...<br>But I can't! Fuck why couldn't she just leave me be?

"See! You can't" She interrupts my desperate thoughts ...The long silence had said it all ...

_No ._.. I can't let my heart win... She's a cheat... a filthy pathetic low life. She doesn't deserve my forgiveness.  
><em><br>**  
>Oh the truth hurts<strong>_  
><em><strong>And lies worse<strong>_  
><em><strong>How can I give anymore<strong>_  
><em><strong>When I love you a little less than before<strong>_

"NO! IT DIDNT ok..." I snap my gaze back to her glaring venomously "I don't fucking love you..." I take a deep breath... "NOT ANYMORE" The lies tear holes at my soul, but it's the only way...  
>She froze "W..What?"<br>"How could i POSSIBLY love you?"  
>"no...please! I'm sorry"<br>There it is again ... the vile disgusting word with no meaning "NO! Sopheh" I shove her away "How could I possibly feel anything for yeh when you don't want me?..."  
>"W..?"<br>"Oh don't act the innocent... you CHEATED Soph... No amount of apologising is gona fucking change that!"  
>"But you don't know the truth!"<br>"I don't WANT the truth!"  
>"You do! I know you do! Sian I do want you! I wa..."<br>"SHUT UP!" She clamps her mouth shut "It's all fucking lies. You're lying to yourself... to me! To the world! You don't want me... you want her! The tart the.."  
>"No! <em>Sian <em>you've got it all wrong..."  
>"<em>No I haven't<em>! God! I asked you to prove it Soph ... I asked you _one SMALL thing_ ... to show me how you want me and you couldn't..."  
>"I kissed you!"<br>"That doesn't prove it... " I scoff in disbelief. _The nerve.._ "That doesn't mend my bloody heart... it rips it further!" My voice breaks as I scream the last word. I take a step back and lean against the hedge taking a deep painful breath. I don't want her sorry's. I don't want her excuses... I just want to go. "I loved you... so.. so much..." It comes out as a mere whisper. Broken...pathetic "and you say you love me... yet you can't even prove it..." That's all it takes. I break down and press my hand to my mouth, trying to hide the pain, buts it's all in the eyes, my eyes... the eyes she's staring into. " But I know now, its lies and ALWAYS HAS BEEN"  
>She reaches out to me "Sian please..."<br>But i'm too quick for her "No!" My minds made up... there's only one thing left to say  
>"Please...<br>_  
>Here we go ... deep breath... you can do it... "<em>IT'S OVER!" I burst into yet MORE sobs and turn on my heels and start to head over to Lloyd but she isn't going to back down, she runs after me.  
>"No! Sian wait!" She reaches out to my wrist but I throw her off; focusing on my own thoughts, the destination in mind ... anything to block her out<br>"Sian!" She tries again but I shut her out. "PLEASE" _Just keep walking ... _"please don't go!" _**NO**_ _ignore her_"Just wait... SIAN PLEASE!" The desperate screech stabs at my heart but I can't do it ... my mind is screaming over and over, begging me not to listen "...STOP!" She finally caught hold of my wrist and gripped it firmly pulling me to a rough halt.

"Look at me..."  
>I close my eyes, concentrating on nothing but my deep, agonizing breathing. I don't want to lash out ... not again. "Why should i...?"<br>She doesn't hesitate this time. "Because I do have something ... I can prove it."  
>My eyes snap open. <em>She fucking what?<em> I Spin round and glare. _My ears are deceiving me, surely... she..? _My mind clouds up in a blur of raging disbelief. _It's too late! The ships sailed .. birds flown... guns fir...  
><em>  
>The retort vanished as she produced a small crumpled envelope. She held it out, but I didn't know what to do... I stared at it, frozen in place.<p>

_**And if your sky falling,**_  
><em><strong>Just take my hand and hold it.<strong>_  
><em><strong>You don't have to be alone, alone, yeah<strong>_  
><em><strong>I won't let you go<strong>_.

***Sophie P.O.V***  
>I forced the envelope into Sian's trembling hands. There was no point dressing it up, it was a letter and she had to read it ... simple as.<br>"What's this?"  
>I frowned "A bana..." <em>No ...<em> I huffed. There's really no point getting smart with her. I'm quite literally on the verge of losing the best thing that's ever happened to me. Sarcasm can fuck right off "It's a letter... i wrote it just before you got back..."  
>Sian scoffed "So you couldn't say it to my face but you could fucking write it down?"<br>_Okay not quite the reaction i was expecting ..._i pull a face "You know i'm no good with words..."

Her glare vanished; just like that... any threatening demeanour dissolved as her face softened...  
>I swear my heart just did ten bloody star jumps. Its literally leapt, soared with hope .. It's <em>got <em>to have made her think ... made her stop for just a second. Surely?  
>"So that's why you kissed me?"<br>I nodded slowly "...Actions speak louder than words."

I studied her for a second, watching the conflicting emotions... the deliberation running across her face. She kept flicking her gaze between me and the letter, biting her lip, gripping it tighter. I'm trying to work out what's going on inside her head, but just as she'd look as though she'd finally say somet she'd huff and drop back into her conflicting bubble.

_**I know you want to want me**_  
><em><strong>I see it in your eyes<strong>_  
><em><strong>How can I stop losing you?<strong>_  
><em><strong>Don't say your goodbyes<strong>_

She finally seemed to make a decision though because she span away and gripped the middle of the envelope. But before she could move, I'd jumped into gear and wrapped my hands over her own stopping her instantly.

"Dont..."  
>She glanced up and locked our gaze, trembling at my touch.<br>My breath hitched involuntarily as i looked into her gorgeous blue orbs. "Please... just read it first"  
><em><br>Bad move_

Her face hardened "WHY?" She ripped her hands away but I remained calm. "Give me one good reason why I should bother!" She squares back up to me but i let her carry on, she's in full fledged rant mode ... my time will come "Go on! Just one reason ... surely you can manage that. ONE REASON why i should bother to even waste a _second_ reading this pile of lies..." A smirk spread across her lips and my stomach twisted. She thinks she's won... She's _convinced_ that I wont have a reply, and she'll be free, free to finally leave and get away from me; '_the disgusting cheat'..._

But she's wrong.

I take a breath and lock our gaze.  
>"Because you still love me..."<p>

**_I know you'll believe me_**  
><strong><em>When you look into my eyes<em>**  
><strong><em>'cause the heart never lies<em>**

***Normal P.O.V***  
>Sian's throat hitched, the air jammed and her chest tightened... tensing in agony.<br>Sophie had said it... 5 little words, the truth, the thing she'd been so desperate to avoid; to deny.

Her eyes pooled once more as she lifted her trembling arm to mouth, before breaking down. _Why does it have to be so hard? Why?_  
>She shook her head just once and turned away, breaking down into a fit of sobs as she started to storm off.<br>Sophie's heart sank. _She always runs... away from the truth, away from her feelings, away from me._  
>"You know it's true!" She cried, wiping away her tears<p>

**_I wish I could just make you turn around,_**  
><strong><em>Turn around and see me cry<em>**  
><strong><em>There's so much I need to say to you,<em>**  
><strong><em>So many reasons why<em>**

"Just leave me alone " Sian screamed back in desperation  
>But Sophie couldn't.<p>

Sian just about made it to the corner, but she was pulled to a halt...  
>"NO !" Sophie gripped her wrist and pulled her round to face her letting out a sob "<em>Please Sian<em>..." She relaxed her grip and shifted, desperately trying to think how to phrase the next line...  
>"You can try leave... but please...tell me this ..." she took a deep breath "tell me this before you turn and make the biggest mistake of your life ..." She reached up to cup her cheek sobbing with all her heart "tell me you don't love me..."<p>

**_Remember you said you'd always gonna need me_**  
><strong><em>Remember you said you'd never ever leave me<em>**  
><strong><em>Remember, remember, You're asking me, begging me<em>**  
><strong><em>Stay with me baby<em>**

***Sian P.O.V***  
><em>No please ... please don't do this to me! Sophie... just let me go<em>  
>"FUCK YOU!" I shove her back and but she's too quick. She grabs my cheeks and pulls me in, crushing her lips to mine again. Except this time I give in, I don't have the energy to fight back. Not anymore... Hating her is just too hard.<br>I close my eyes and sob against her lips, letting her kiss me, kissing her back.  
>I cross my hands behind her waist and pull her closer. I don't care anymore. In my mind... the only justification I have is that this will be it, the last time, so I might as well pour everything I have into it.<p>

**_Oh what are we doing_**  
><strong><em>We are turning into dust<em>**  
><strong><em>Playing house in the ruins of us<em>**

Her tongue slips forward, begging for entry. _I'm powerless to deny_ I don't waste a second in granting it as the kiss takes a desperate turn, our tongues collide franticly, battling in a final bid to express it all.  
>We twist and reconnect over and over, its desperate, full of pain and anger, but its just us. Us alone in our excruciating, heart wrenching bubble.<p>

My mind clouds over for the millionth time today, yet this time it's all her. It's just her, i want her every inch of her, her smell, her taste. Kissing her has never felt so good.

_**Running back through the fire**_  
><em><strong>When there's nothing left to save<strong>_  
><em><strong>It's like chasing the very last train when it's too late<strong>_

_URGH I hate her!._... She's a cheater, she's broke my heart yet at the same time she's my everything. She is what keeps me going, my life, the air that i breathe. I don't know what to do anymore ...

She eventually pulls back and rests her forehead against mine, but I'm gone ... lost to the world. My minds a blur but my heart just pounds in agony.  
>Her lip trembled as she tried to hold back the enormous sob threatening to break free. "Tell me that that didn't mean something, tell me you don't want me"<p>

I break down pressing my arm against my mouth, trying to hide the pain. I can't deny it... i cant lie. This is all just too much.  
>She carries on "because you KNOW deep down I'd never hurt you! I know you don't believe me but i swear to God Sian ...read that and it says it all..."<p>

_**See I just can't find the right thing to say**_  
><em><strong>I tried but all my pain gets in the way<strong>_  
><em><strong>Tell me what I have to do so you'll stay<strong>_  
><em><strong>Should I get down on my knees and pray<strong>_

***Normal P.O.V***  
>Lloyd reappeared and parked alongside, averting their attention for a moment but he kept his gaze fixed ahead. He didn't want to watch, just hearing their shouts from the office was painful enough... the whole street could hear them. He took a deep breath and shut his eyes. Waiting...<p>

Sophie panicked. This was it... she dropped to her knees and clutched at her clothes sobbing desperately  
>"Sian please, please don't leave me..."<br>Sian sighed "Don't Sophie ..."  
>"Please,<br>"Sophie please just let me go! I can't take it, please just let me go"  
>"Dont leave me..."<br>"I can't stay Soph..."  
>"Please, please i'll do anything" she clutched at her clothes, sobbing, reaching out her. "Please... I love you"<p>

Sian sucked in a breath, staring down at the girl broken on the floor, at the envelope in her hands. Her stomach twisted and churned with guilt, the obscene sensation for which there was no reasoning. She'd done _nothing _wrong, but the girl at her feet was making her feel like the worst thing in world.

_**Let me hold you**_  
><em><strong>For the last time<strong>_  
><em><strong>It's the last chance to feel again<strong>_  
><em><strong>But you broke me<strong>_  
><em><strong>Now I can't feel anything<strong>_

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She hated herself... hated herself for what she was about to do, but there was no other way.  
>"I love you too..."<p>

_**Oh it tears me up**_  
><em><strong>I try to hold on, but it hurts too much<strong>_  
><em><strong>I try to forgive, but it's not enough<strong>_  
><em><strong>To make it all okay<strong>_

She burst into tears and pushed her away spinning on her heels.  
>She shoved the envelope into her pocket and ran up to the car, tearing the door open and threw herself in.<p>

"No SIANNNNN" a desperate screech escaped the brunette's lips as she clambered to her feet and darted to the car, she tried the handle but Sian had locked it. She let out a frustrated whine and started banging desperately on the window. "SIAN _PLEASE_... _PLEASE _I CANT LOSE YOU..." But the blonde turned her head away "... Please! I'm begging you! I'll do anything PLEASE"

She closed her eyes and gripped her head between her hands. She tried to ignore it. But every bang was another blow to her heart, another plummet of her soul, another twist with the guilt.  
>There was only so much her heart could take before the door would be open and she'd be back in her arms...<em>No!<em> She HAD to leave.

"Lloyd just go..."  
>But he'd frozen<br>"Sian PLEASE just read it! Read the letter and i swear to you it says it all"  
>"Please Lloyd... just go"<br>"I...I... she wants y..."  
>She threw her head back up violently "JUST GO!"<br>He sucked in a breath and nodded. He paused, giving Sophie a look of utter sympathy before doing as he was told. He pulled away leaving Sophie to collapse to her knees, screaming in heart wrenching agony. The car was taking her away her heart, taking her away soul, taking away the only thing worth living for. And she'd ruined it.

_**And if there's love just feel it,**_  
><em><strong>And if there's life we'll see it.<strong>_  
><em><strong>This is no time to be alone, alone, yeah<strong>_  
><em><strong>I won't let you go<strong>_


End file.
